Duality Trap: Self-Importance

This is a culture that values self-esteem, but sometimes we confuse that with self-importance. In a patriarchal system where hierarchy is inherent, we are taught to look outside of ourselves and measure ourselves by how we compare to others as well as societal standards of success. Thus, a mother's contribution to society is devalued because it can not be measured against other mothers or in monetary value. A mother's contribution is unique to that specific child and so no one person can measure the value of a mother to a particular child. It is priceless and thus this society deems it valueless. When any individual's contributions are devalued what occurs is that people often rush away towards more profitable areas where recognition, praise, or monetary rewards are inherent in the system. They begin to neglect those areas that are priceless in soul development and begin to disrespect them.

There is a particular person in my life who has me in a bit of a quandary. She insists on devaluing my choices in life even though she has no idea what they are. She measures my life based on what she feels are standard values of success and decides that I am left wanting. This is evident by the way she constantly compares herself to me and then tells me I should do what she does, even though she has no idea what it is I exactly do with my life. I am content with my choices and I repeat to her that I like what I do, but she continues with these judgments and comparisons.

She is nothing more than a reflection of my own beliefs in self-importance. Although, I may want to suggest that I would never indulge in personal narcissism, the fact that I have attracted just such a person means there are systems or beliefs that I uphold in my life that support self-aggrandizement. Whether I am opposing them or upholding them, the energy of concentration is there and needs to be neutralized to remove this creation from my day to day life. In some respects I don't believe it's necessary to aggrandize one's own accomplishments if one is happy with their choices. However, on another level I do appreciate recognition for my own contributions to society even if they are not mainstream. Thus, she exemplifies to me a desire to self-aggrandize for recognition but a conflict of spirituality that deems this is unspiritual. For, if truth be told, the solution would simply be to share with her many of my own accomplishments and how I view them to be important and that would simply end the conversation. And yet, I hesitate. I am not sure this is the correct use of energy. I am not sure if this will escalate a war of competition I have no desire to wage.

On the other hand, I resent her insinuations that my life isn't up to par by her standards! And yet, again, I hesitate to share that information because I am fully aware she is merely reflecting some energy I am projecting and were I to shift my energy appropriately this little drama would end. If I shift my energy in judgment, I know that this will only escalate the energies alt ready in place. If I match her energy by competing with her in areas of self-aggrandizement, again, I have upheld the belief system that creates self-aggrandizement. If I oppose the behavior, I will merely see repetitions of it not only with her, but with other people as well. For that which you oppose, you feed energy to and it begins to grow more in your own backyard.

Thus, my only choice is to accept the unacceptable. The only way to accept the unacceptable is to understand that this is a choice for her. It is not my choice. It is a valid choice in a patriarchal society that upholds models of hierarchy. If I choose not to align with this belief system I may choose to use a matriarchal view that all people contribute to the whole without upsetting her view that she is better than me. There is nothing wrong with her view, if this is how she chooses to create her reality. It is just not my view. This means I must embrace my own inner set point for inner peace and through my own example, let go of the boundaries that make her separate from me. By bringing her closer to my heart, I can still create my own reality in full acceptance that her reality is diametrically opposed to mine.