Duality Trap: Failure

In the same week that Princess Diana died, so did Mother Teresa and Viktor Frankl. While Princess Diana was eulogized and mourned worldwide, fewer mourned the loss of Mother Teresa and barely anyone knew Viktor Frankl had died. Yet, all of these deaths had a similar thread running through them -- the perception of worth as related to their life achievements. Princess Diana was mourned worldwide because of the perception that she had succeeded in throwing open the doors of the monarchy and bringing the royals down to the people. She lived a life of luxury, privilege, and humanity. Her life was viewed as a success. Mother Teresa was mourned by those in religious circles for being an embodiment of self-sacrifice and godliness. She lived a life of voluntary self-denial, sacrifice, and humanity. Her life was also viewed as a success, if not less so than Princess Diana. Viktor Frankl was mourned by those in his immediate circle of friends and family because he held a personal example of a person who had lived through the horrors of Auschwitz in Germany and found meaning in suffering. He was involuntarily stripped of all his belongings, his life's purpose, his dignity, and yet he survived and went on to write about the value of suffering, even if it appears involuntary. It would almost seem he aggrandized tragedy and failure. In the west, no one knows what to think about him. Undoubtedly, most people would think that because he survived what most people did not live to speak about that his life was a success due to how it ended. But, Viktor would have probably disagreed. His life was not a success because he survived, but because he suffered. This is probably what he perceived to be his greatest achievement: that he suffered, and through his suffering and apparent failure, he came to understand how to transcend his own suffering and find meaning in suffering.

In Viktor Frankl's book "Man's Search For Meaning" he explains that we are all in pursuit of meaning for our lives. "We can discover this meaning in life three different ways:" he explains, "(1) by doing a deed; (2) by experiencing a value; and (3) by suffering." While many of us would jump at the chance of finding meaning doing a deed (being creative or productive in our work) and surely experiencing a value (a trip to an exotic locale or falling in love with someone), we obviously would rather not find meaning in our lives through suffering. In fact, we're pretty sure here in the West that suffering has no meaning. The truth is we equate suffering with failure. If we are suffering, we have failed in whatever pursuit we are trying to achieve. This is not due to an actual truth, but rather to a cultural perception that put's a value on someone's life based not on self-growth but on material externals. Thus, this explains the seeming inconsistency of respect shown to the dead based on what people perceive to be their life achievements. Just recently we had another good example with Coretta Scott King and Betty Friedan dying in the same week; Two women who both had achievements in their lives but one was obviously treated better in death than the other. The truth is we can not tell which person had more positive influence on our present age and which deserved more accolades because we do not understand the effect of our own search for life's meaning on others. I'd wager to say that if each lived true to their own authentic self and found purpose and meaning in that, that they are far ahead of the rest of us. Their example will inspire many more to do the same. But Viktor's example will not just inspire people, it will heal them as well.

Each of us are met daily with apparent failures in our lives. If we are faced with incurable diseases, homes and lives lost to natural disasters, or simply the resistance of moving from a job you hate to work that is more enjoyable, we can be certain that there is meaning in suffering. It's simply that we have been taught otherwise. Yet in this age of existential angst where we run at a frantic pace to forget we will eventually die and all our work may be judged by our self or others as meaningless, we have yet one way to achieve meaning in our lives. We can survive and thrive not by resisting the blows that fate lands on our backs, but rather by embracing them and transcending them by taking that opportunity to learn an attitude that reaps the inner wealth of compassion, connection, humility, bravery, and a good sense of humor. Are these not the accomplishments that mankind has been seeking after age after age? Are these not the things that will end wars, feed the hungry, comfort the sick and distressed? We may never receive recognition for our contribution to the humanity of life regardless of conditions, but we will achieve peace in understanding our lives had meaning and were not failures. And this is something we can do everyday. It doesn't require a stupendous amount of effort or for the stars to align in our favor, it just requires our conscious attention on how to promote meaning not only in our lives but inspiring others to recognize the meaning in their own lives as well.