Higher Self Tech: Understanding Our Influence

When our relationships feel right, we feel justified. We often judge ourselves based not on who we are but on how other people behave towards us. Instead of basing our self-worth on our own inner truths, we look to other's image of us and that often leads us to try and placate or at least ignore the harmful actions of other, until we find ourselves personally targeted.

While it is true that all people are merely reflections of Self, someone's behavior may have a different significance to the perpetrator as to the receiver of that behavior. It's important in relationship to not project our own anxieties and issues onto a relationship that will merely exacerbate the already aberrant behavior. Don't add wood to a fire that's already ready to jump its boundaries, particularly if you happen to hold the biggest piece of wood. However, we must also not be afraid to speak our own truth to influence and limit the potential effects of harmful words. Although we do not create anyone's reality for them, we do certainly influence it.

I have learned this over many years of experiences. Oftentimes, gossip is the fire set in relationships that is just waiting for someone to add kindling. If the gossip is about a truth that puts someone in a humiliating position, then it's extremely important to take care not to add wood to the fire. It will only grow bigger. Our influence is a very important part of what path a piece of propaganda takes. To stifle fire, one must either pour water on it or smother it with earth. Blow on it, and it rages even more.

Love Influences In Antagonistic Power Plays

The spoken word has great power to heal and to wound. The choice on when to speak up and express your inner truth can be tricky. We do not want to add wood to an ember that's smoldering but we also do not want that ember to continue to be present in a forest of dry fir trees either.

Similarly, gossip begins with an ember that may be of truth or not. It usually doesn't matter as the intent is harmful. Our words are important in either allowing the ember to catch fire or whether we throw sand or water on it.

Next time you are confronted with an interesting tidbit about your neighbor, your coworker, your husband's ex-wife, your children, your neighbor's children, or anyone you know, try to realize your choices.

1. You may choose to stay silent.

2. You may choose to express your own truth.

3. You may choose to judge either the talker or the target of the gossip.

4. You may choose to elevate the issue to an authority figure.

5. You may choose to confront the gossiper.

6. You may seek to verify the gossip.

Clearly, all these actions have merit in different circumstances. When the gossip is a truth but it is a humiliating truth, you may seek to remain silent and confront the gossiper with the possible consequences of their words. To escalate such a truth in the interest of the target will only add wood to the fire. However, if gossip is clearly unsubstantiated and harmful you may choose to express your own truth or judge the gossiper or escalate it to other authorities. Just because a piece of gossip isn't targeted specifically at us does not mean that we have no influence over how it spreads. We clearly have options to limit this type of antagonistic power play. The best approach is always to express one's truth in non-judgment, if that is possible. Without a counterbalance of truth, deceit and hatred are allowed to grow in the hearts of humankind simply through complacency. And should one's action cause an escalation of the gossip, then it is also a lesson to us on how to better handle it later. In all, we learn how to manipulate our own energies while also influencing the energies of those around us.