Duality Trap: Comparing Choices

I prefer the single life and yet I adore Valentine's Day. The heart has always been one of my favorite symbols and one year I devoted myself to collecting heart pendants which I wore quite often. When I commented to a friend on my unusual choice of jewelry, he very astutely noticed that "you wear your heart on your sleeve."

My daughter is quite amused at my seeming inability to hold back the tears on any sappy movie. But, I remember for years when I thought that behavior was "unacceptable" and so I never indulged myself. Until I realized, I like to cry at sad movies. It doesn't mean I am weak. It means I am connected with the human experience. And this, is basically why I adore Valentine's Day even though I prefer my independence. The holiday represents to me a connection to the human condition regardless of whether there is a male/female relationship present or not. To me, Valentine's Day reminds me of my connection with my daughter, my parents, my teachers, my coworkers, my email buddies, and sometimes, the men in my life. It is my excuse to be sappy with anyone I so choose!

The reason I can have such great joy in this symbolic holiday is not because I am expecting to receive candies and cards, but because I am expecting I can express my own joy and connectedness with others without fear of censure. The truth is: I really think all days should be Valentine's Day. I don't understand the Western culture and it's insistence that materiality somehow supercedes connection. I don't understand the implied obligation of giving objects as gifts when the greatest gift one can give is their own Self.

Tied in with this Western ideal of materialism is that idea that we should behold and compare the gifts that others receive. If someone gets a bigger box of chocolate than somehow they are "more loved." I hope I am not the only person who sees how expressly ridiculous this notion is. There are times however, when I have looked around at other people's lives and wondered if the Divine didn't love me as much as the next person simply because the other person got a bigger box of chocolates in life, only to find out later that that person was also viewing my own life with similar eyes of envy.

Exactly what am I to be envied for? I have asked myself over and over. And the reply is always the same: the connection. I am envied for my connection to Spirit and the people in my life. A connection that is available to anyone, however, it does require that we be present with others and ourSelf. Oftentimes, we can't do that if we are focused only on keeping up with the Jones and trying to accumulate material possessions at the expense of our relationship to our Self, the Divine, and others. It's merely a choice what we choose to focus our energies on: connection or material wealth. But, this culture defines success through material possessions and then wonders why the citizenry suffers from isolation, anxiety, and chronic envy. It is simply our choice whether we wish to experience connection or isolation. It does not require someone else to send us a box of chocolates or a card. It is our choice to share our Self with others or not.

So, yes, I cry at sappy movies and I love Valentine's Day. It's my choice and it doesn't require that anyone else approve or understand it either. In the end, the connection it provides me with the human Spirit is sufficient payback for me.